Monday, May 11, 2009

Happy Mother's Day

Mother's Day last year was hopeful for me. I had stopped working, was about to move to Japan, and was visiting my parents in South Carolina. I talked to the other mom in my life, Josh's mom Judy. Of course I was already anxious to be a mom myself, having had a miscarriage a few months before, but it was a good day.

It's still a good day this year, but a lot has changed. I can't talk to my incredible mother today, for instance - she and her mom are gallivanting about in the south of France! Lucky ducks went on a riverboat cruise (deeply discounted, thanks to Piggy Panic) and are, I hope, having a lovely time. I did talk to Josh's mama and grandma this morning, which was nice. And this Mother's Day I have even more friends who are moms, and great ones at that. Their kids are lucky, and so am I for knowing them.

But...y''s still kind of shitty. I am so ready to have a baby, to move on with my life and become a mom already. I'm working really hard to stay hopeful, or at least neutral, and to squelch the bitterness that sometimes grabs me from behind. Ditto the self-pity - I am debating just deleting this whole post, because really: who ruins Mother's Day with the whining? Bleah, I don't want to be that guy.

So I'm going to go cook something, and clean up my house, and buy some bigger pots to transplant my seedlings if the weather holds out. And I may have a bowl of ice cream before noon, just for good measure.

Happy Mother's Day, everybody.


Anonymous said...

Glad to see you haven't deleted the post. "Too personal" is a good reason to take a post down. Or "Oops, my bad" is a reason to take a post down.

But "not perky"? Or "sorry, I feel like shit"? Not reasons to take it down. People suck it up and deal when it's like that in person; if they can't deal with it on your blog, they know how to close the browser window!

And it must totally suck to have Josh away today (yesterday!)



clembo said...

Thinking of you my dear from Arles - one time home of Van Gogh. It is sunny and warm.
So good to "hear" your voice, even if you whine :-)
Love you!

Kelsey said...

Hey sweetie! I feel your pain and want you to know to know that I'm thinking of you. We'll bitch and moan and hopefully laugh about it this weekend over some wine, beer, liquor, ice cream and wii!

cricketspaw said...

Dear Emily,
Don't give up hope, your day will come! One day, one way or another, you WILL BE a mother. I'm so sorry your journey is more difficult and less clear right now. Hang in. In the meantime, if you every need a shoulder, I'm always around. Or, online anyway, if not in Japan!